Age old question: Is the glass half full or is the glass half empty?
Today is one of those days, motivation lacking and the sky seems a little bit closer than it was the day before. I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t eat my 4 egg white omelette and 80g of avocado this morning or that I played a mini tournament of netball yesterday or because I’m about to get my period. I mean that last one ‘ugh’ I feel like I haven’t had one since May because I have the Mirena (IUD - Intrauterine Device)… also kinda sucks putting it on the period but it does affect your mood with all the hormones and shit.
In my health post, I mentioned that I’ve been training my ass off for the past few weeks and it’s working! I’ve lost 2 kilos and muscle definition is making a comeback. Even the little jelly belly is slimming down and I feel skinny :/. What I’m saying is that I’m so damn exhausted juggling being a mamma, training 5-6 times a week in the gym, meal prepping (which is fun but getting old too quick), working, being a wife, keeping a household and trying to hold onto my sanity. I need to re-evaluate how much I am able to cope with as I feel like I’m losing my grip. This morning when I was dropping The Bean to daycare, I cried (a lot) on the subway, I couldn’t help myself. I felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness just overcome me and there I cried in front of my 3-year-old who is telling me that ‘Det er greit hvis du er lei deg’ (It’s okay if you’re sad) … I just cried, even more, the ‘mum’ guilt consumed me and I felt like the worst parent in the world. Just because I cried in front of my toddler, who by the way has been a little bit challenging these days too.
I received some news from back in Sydney that I believe has also brought some frustrations forward. This news has made me think deeply about family and the connections we have with one another, the innate responsibilities we hold for one another and the part where we have to hold each other accountable for our decisions and choices. What some fail to realise at times is that these (decisions) can affect those around us who don’t have a voice in the matter and that just isn’t okay. You know, when I was younger I always thought that my life revolves around family and community, and while those things are still very important, I’ve learned that I don’t have to conform to what those before me have dubbed ‘our way of life’. I’ve learned to write my own life, the way I want to live it and I still am. I’m saying this because it’s all I ever wanted for my siblings and now we’re adults. We get to take our stories, however sad, messed up and ruined they may seem and we get to decide the rest of it.
I’ve always said that feelings are temporary, the good and the bad (mostly these ones), and that it’s how well we can manage them and the ‘noise’ in our heads. That’s me today, I’m trying to do that, with all that above mentioned going on and I know that this too shall pass.
What a lovely Monday, don’t you think?