Palm Tree in the Snow
I have been living in Norway now for 4 months. What can I say? It’s lovely, nature here is lovely, the people are lovely and it’s Scandinavia for crying out loud! Almost too lovely perhaps? No, just kidding. As of late, I have been really struggling with a lot of things...
Firstly, in October I decided to lower the dosage on my antidepressants because I feel (in myself) that I am in a ‘healthy’ headspace. That went alright that month, I made sure to document in my journal my symptoms and some days were great and others not so much, I’m talking couldn’t even make it out of bed kind of day. It’s now November and I have been off the medication for 3 weeks and boy has it been a real game changer, in the beginning, there was a lot of anxiety, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, and nausea. It was horrible, but now not so much, it’s great that as the days go by I am able to get a grasp of myself again. I feel like I’ve been lying dormant inside myself this past year and a half, I’m feeling again and life doesn’t seem so doomed!
The medication for me was a godsend, when I first got on them I was in a really tough spot with myself (because it’s all about our relationship with ourselves, right?) and I wasn’t able to function properly, I’m saying I was mean and angry a lot of the time. Therefore this relationship with myself was affecting those around me. It helped to balance my brain chemicals but at the same time numbed me in a way, sounds horrible now that I think about it but it got me through one the hardest years (so far) of my life. I no longer feel the feelings of depression and I feel okay with myself, I feel which led to my decision to stop taking them and I can say that I am ‘happier’ to be off the medication.
I don’t know if it was just bad timing with coming off the medication but I recently lost a loved one back in Australia, and I cannot express to you the immense feelings I am dealing with right now. Just before I left Australia, just two days before, my great-grandmother had passed, and there I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to organise how I was going to get to Brisbane and back to Sydney in time to fly to Norway! I was devastated that she had passed and even more so because I was leaving my grieving family behind, I couldn’t be there with them to grieve and mourn our matriarch. I was lucky to see all of my family and have one last goodbye with my great-grandmother before I left, but it pains me that I can’t be there to say goodbye to my dear uncle.
I have to say that through all of this my Norwegian family has been incredibly supportive and quite frankly I don’t know what I would do without them. The Bean has been fantastic throughout this whole ordeal, from coming off the medication to losing a family member, she has shown me how empathetic and loving she is. Of course, she’s only two and half years old, and she doesn’t understand a whole lot (yet), she makes me feel better and I remember that she only knows love for me and her Pappa and that in itself reminds me that I am okay. Even though it’s tough times and I feel a million miles away from the comfort of all those I know in Sydney and familiar places, I have found in my discomfort that I have a whole family of people that really do love me and want what’s best for me. I am surrounding myself with these people because I know for my mental and emotional well-being they nourish me in love and support tenfold.
I still struggle with managing my emotions, I do a range of things to help keep me in check and I’ll share some with you soon. I want to know what you do for your mental health and overall well-being?
If you have any great tips please share!
Live, Love & Pro(s)per
DISCLAIMER: This blog is just my personal views and thoughts on life. They should in no way be used as a substitute for professional help with anything. If you or someone you know suffers from mental illness please get professional help. For help with mental illness in Australia, you can contact Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636 or through their website here https://www.beyondblue.org.au/. For help with mental illness in Norway, you can contact Hjelpetelefonen at 116 123 or contact your local mental health center. If you’re anywhere else in the world please search for mental health professionals in your area.