After Birth & Sex
Of course, there had to be a post about this because I struggled big time with self-image after having the Bean. You know how your body goes after you’ve just birthed your small human? Well some of us end up having that body for a while, for me, it’s been two years and I’ve still got my jelly belly which I currently have a love/hate relationship with. In the beginning it was tough, I had just had a baby, my breast were overflowing with milk, my body had stretched in places I had no idea it would and along with the vaginal worries (you know, if it’s healed after birthing a 4kg baby, if it works the same as it did before you fell pregnant?) I felt pretty overwhelmed and self- conscious. I was 21 and my friends had these gorgeous physiques, I’m talking they were so voluptuous and curvy that I felt like a little sack of potatoes. Now I write this in great confidence because I realise how silly I was about it, it’s like “Hey! You just had a baby you amazing thang!”.
So yes, a huge imbalance in the confidence area and lacking libido due to stresses of being a new parent. We didn’t get intimate for about 6 months, which of course I felt extremely bad about but hey, depression had taken its hold and I was exhausted (had a lot of those moments where I wanted my body to myself). Long story short, the self-love/intimacy and sex side of things is so much better now. A few things that I really took to when learning how to love my body again was accepting it, doing things that made me feel good about myself (obviously) and taking an interest in what I actually liked when getting physical.
The thing about this blog, which I will reiterate, is that there is absolutely no shame. In anything.
So back to the topic, the first thing I had done (when I separated from my partner, I know how it sounds) to help me love myself again was to buy a set of kegel balls. I figured that ‘she’ needed a good workout and let me tell you they were interesting, they really tightened things up! If one ever decides to try them, make sure to follow instructions on the box and build the muscle up over time. I then began to build myself a small library of female-friendly books, about the female orgasm, spirituality of women and some on intimacy.
Side break: I had a lot of issues surrounding sex and intimacy when I was a teenager, given my history of sexual abuse. I didn’t know how to be inside my body or inside my mind and allow myself to feel... People who have experienced abuse/trauma often leave their bodies, I know for me this is what happened a lot. I never really got to experience things the way I liked them because I felt it wasn’t okay for me to enjoy it (Crazy huh?!) For example I would never let a guy go down on me… because I wasn’t there to enjoy, just to please. Through years and years of therapy and a few shitty relationships (and some great ones), I was able to find the strength to take control and be in charge of any sexual/intimate interaction. This is still incredibly important for me, to feel in control and present.
I finally found the time to explore what I liked, where to be touched and how. The exploration of my body made things so much better for my relationship with myself. I also did a lot of things like coconut oil baths by candlelight, bought myself some new lingerie sets, backless panties, DIY body scrubs, new toys, making playlists with songs that resonated with my soul and simply just learning and loving to get intimate with my damn self cause that was really a relationship that needed working on. I’m a huge advocate for self-love in all its meanings from being kind to yourself to masturbation; it’s completely normal, healthy and really the best to love yourself first.
Anyone care to share their self-love/intimacy/sex tips?
DISCLAIMER: This blog is just my personal views and thoughts on life. They should in no way be used as a substitute for professional help with anything. If you or someone you know suffers from mental illness please get professional help. For help with mental illness in Australia, you can contact Beyond Blue at 1300 22 4636 or through their website here https://www.beyondblue.org.au/. For help with mental illness in Norway, you can contact Hjelpetelefonen at 116 123 or contact your local mental health centre. If you’re anywhere else in the world please search for mental health professionals in your area.